Becoming a Mom

June 19, 2015, two years and 4 days after my two year wedding anniversary my life hit restart. Everything I thought I knew was no longer. Whoever I thought I was became a vague memory. I was a mom. A mommy. Forever bonded to a piece of my soul that had exited my body forever attaching me to it until I would leave this earth. I was in love. Not like your ordinary love, I mean I fell hard. Head over heels infatuated with this little creature. His toes were perfect, his hands seemed dreamy and oh Lord, those eyes. Those eyes belonged to mom. I never realized how beautiful they were.  They held such trust. Such comfort. Such peace. I was reborn that day. No longer just Phylicia, but the mother, the nurturer, the caregiver, the protector. And all at once I felt every emotion possible. I was excited, I was nervous, I was overwhelmed, I was overcome with emotions, I was in love, but a feeling I didn't realize I would feel was fear. Fear stopped me dead amdist my gaze of awe and commanded me to evaluate my capabilities. This is the conversation most moms don't share.The feelings of inadequacy. What if I wasn't enough? What if I couldn't be everything to him that I wanted to be; that he needed me to be? What if I failed miserably? Would he grow up to hate his mother the way so many adolescents do? All I knew was that I was gonna love him something silly. I was going to put my big girl panties on a brave face and be all to him that I could be. As long as he felt loved, protected and was healthy I knew half my battle would be ok. So my journey began... Today He is 14 months old. I have never loved like this before xoxo- Phy

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